Episode 14 – Healing as Overthinkers With The Latina Dr. Phil

Lianne is the host of the @Watchusthrivepodcast, a personal development podcast that talks about mental health, healing from trauma that keeps us stuck in sh*tty relationships & how we can reconnect with our inner magic✨.

Lianne is a domestic violence survivor and a fellow Virgo, and we connect over our past relationship mistakes and how we are moving forward  in our personal lives and our entrepreneurial ventures, because they are very much intertwined.   We’re never healed, we’re heal-ING.

Listen to learn about how we say NO GRACIAS to the impostor syndrome and show up for our businesses while giving ourselves grace on our healing journeys.

🦄 Ready to embody your millionaire self? Book a call to learn more about 1:1 money coaching: calendly.com/travelercharly/clarity

Episode 14 – Healing as Overthinkers with the Latina Dr. Phil

Podcast Transcript Below

Charly: Hello everybody. Welcome to the Unicorn Millionaire Podcast. I’m your host, Charly Stover. I’m a non-binary Latinx money coach, helping my first gen clients become millionaires. I’m a formerly undocumented Mexican American and currently digital nomad traveling all over the worlds. Super excited to have you here along with me on my journey.

I talk about personal finance, money, mindset, twerking, unicorns, rainbows, you name it. We’re here, we’re queer, and we are going to build wealth for ourselves and our communities.

Hi, Lianne. Welcome to the Unicorn Millionaire Podcast.

Lianne: Hey, thank you so much for having me. I’m just chilling. I’m usually like in the driver’s seat, so now I’m just chilling. Right? You take control. I love it.

Charly: Yes, you already know the vibes Well. I got my questions. I’m ready, baby. I’m ready. But it’s gonna flow amazing.

And I, I love you so much. We just got to talking. And I kept telling myself, Yo, you need like hit record. Cause I talk all day, every day about everything. This is just our energy. 24/7 every time we speak . Yes. So why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself.

Lianne: Yes, absolutely. Well, once again, thank you so much for having me. My name is Lianne. I am the creator and host of the Watch Us Thrive Podcast. What is the Watch Us Thrive podcast? It’s my baby. It’s been, um, since January of this year. I started it on my own healing journey. I’m sure we’re gonna get into that later, but I really just like focusing around taboo topics that people don’t really like to talk about.

My tagline is we’re gonna talk about the shit you don’t want to talk about but needs to be talked about. You know, I, I’ve had amazing guests like yourself on my show to share their stories of turning their pain into their power and just different life experiences that we all go through that we don’t like to talk about.

And I’m trying to create a platform to have those uncomfortable conversations. Um, I’m a mom, I’m a single mom. I’m a full-time student. I’m a virtual assistant. I do all the things. But at the core, like my podcast is my baby and I’m so, so, I, I just love it so much.

Charly: And was it, How easy was it for you to even start a podcast?

I feel like a lot of us are out here doing our thing and everybody’s like, How do you make it look so easy? I’m like, It’s taking a lot of therapy and I’ve asked tens of thousand dollars in coaching. Like, this shit is not easy.

Lianne: Yes. So journey. Like I do have a little bit of like an upper hand because I do work as an assistant for my sister Jannese, who is the face of Yo Quiero Dinero, which is an amazing podcast.

Yeah. So I really learned a lot from her, but honestly, Anyone can start a podcast if they really wanted to. All you need is your phone and the anchor app. Like, and you know, this is a shameless plug, you know, I am affiliated with them. Um, but honestly, like all you have to do is just press record and start telling your story.

It’s really not as difficult as people make it seem to be. You know, obviously there’s like production and all this stuff that comes with time, but you know, really as a basic, you just need a cell phone and a micro. And a story. That’s it.

Charly: Yeah. And that’s what I did. I’ve been telling myself for months, for years, people were telling me, you should start a podcast.

But I had the imposter syndrome saying, No, I’m not good enough. Of course, I don’t deserve it. I was the one stopping myself. At the end of the day. There was no one else to blame for it. But yeah, I literally told my business coach. All right. June 30th is the deadline, and that night, June 30th, I don’t like doing things last minute, but with the podcast I did.

Lianne: Yeah, I mean that’s honestly, I think the biggest thing for people is getting out of their own head and legit, like imposter syndrome is a real thing. We all go through it. No matter what success level you’re at, I deal with that bitch on a daily fucking basis. Um, but I do it anyway. And I think that’s what really stops us from doing whatever it is that we wanna do, is getting out of our own fucking way and just doing it.

Charly: Yeah. So I know you’re very open about talking about how you’re a domestic violence survivor. So can you go ahead and share that journey and the healing, the perpetual healing that’s been happening since then?

Lianne: Yes, absolutely. So I, like you said, I am a domestic violence survivor in March of 2021.

Specifically March 13th, 2021 was the day that my life was almost taken from me, from, you know, an abusive ex-boyfriend. And I have the full blown story on my own podcast for anyone who wants to listen in full detail, the beginning to the end of that entire relationship that you can definitely check out.

You know, going through such a traumatic experience like that was looking back at it now it’s what I needed in order to wake the fuck up because I realized being in different relationships prior to that one, I was really attracting the same type of toxicity within a different partner and the common denominator, looking back at it now, while going through my healing journey.

And unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, it had to be something super traumatic, like my life almost being taken from me in order for me to have like my rebirth, I feel like I’m in my era of my rebirth. Like there’s been so much healing.

Charly: Yes. Like snaps to that. Right? I love it so much. Dancing in my chair.

Lianne: Yes. And you know, we, we always talk about this healing journey. And you say all the time, you’re never healed, you’re healing. And I feel like I’m in like the thick of my healing. There’s, you know, moments where I’m out here living my best fucking life and I’m like, Bad bitch energy, and I’m doing all the things, you know what I mean?

And then other days I can’t even get from my bed to the couch. And that’s real life shit. And that’s people that all of us experience. But for me, I’m vocal about it. I share the good, bad, and the ugly. And I think a lot of people need to do the same because we all have shit that we’ve gone through, whether it’s domestic violence, whether it’s rape, whether it’s, whatever it is, that’s your story.

We need to talk about it more because it’s so much more common than we think.

Charly: Yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, last night I had a dream about my ex, like I was literally driving across me too in the backseat. Really? Oh my. I swear, I swear. I was like, Why the fuck am I having dreams about you still?

Lianne: Let me tell you something.

I’ve been in Florida dog sitting for my sister since the beginning of August, and I was telling my daughter yesterday, like the I, since I’ve been in Florida, which is where the domestic violence situation happened, I’ve been having such weird vivid dreams about like my ex before my ex about, you know, the abusive relationship.

Like, I don’t know what the fuck it is. I feel like because I’m. Here where everything happened. It’s like all of these deep seated rooted emotions are just coming back up. I haven’t cried, which I’m very proud of. Um, I know tomorrow I’m gonna drive past a complex where I lived because me and my daughter are gonna go to the beach where I used to live, where I love that beach.

But we have to pass the complex .And I said, Yeah. And it’s been, it’s been. About a year and a half since that whole situation happened, and I feel like now I feel like I’m ready. Two days ago I took her, um, what is that called? Go-kart racing. Mm-hmm.

And we drove past the jail that he was in. Now he’s in prison in another area in Florida, but I drove past the jail that he was in for over a year and I felt like my body was like getting tight. My heart was racing. Cause like I knew that he was there, even though he’s not there physically now, but just knowing that he was sitting there for that entire time, like I just felt all of these emotions come in me.

That’s a normal process of the healing process, right? So yeah, me being out here right now, I’m just I don’t wanna say retraumatizing myself, but I’m like putting myself in these situations to see how far my healing has been since everything that happened. You know what I mean?

Charly: And your body is still trust trying to protect you in the prehistoric way? I always talk about the prehistoric brain. We’re running our away from these save or two tigers 20,000 years ago. Our body still feels like that. Sometimes that that’s the work of healing is separating your body from your mind, but also joining the two.

Lianne: It’s total mind fuck to be like fuck my thoughts. I have control, but I don’t sometimes I to like calm my down. What? What do we say all the time? Healing is very fucking ghetto. Thank you to Ada Rojas with that amazing fucking quote.

Charly: Yeah, I’m just like, back in DC five years ago, I’ve been in the hustle life working so much for anybody, anything to make money, to make a paycheck.

And now that I’ve been back here and not job searching and just working for myself, my body’s still like, Wait, you’re not all good though. Remember you were here five years ago and you were always stressed out and a panic. This is where I started going on anti antidepressant. Trump was president when I was living in DC.

I would see the, the cars that he was in and the VP drive by all the time. And so I totally get that it’s still triggering even if things have moved on your body doesn’t.

Lianne: Isn’t that interesting though? Like how, like you just said, things move on and we find ourselves in the same situations, but we have, you know, grown from whatever situation that we dealt with.

But anytime you see like familiarity or something that reminds you of the situation, it’s like boom, your body just reacts like you’re in that moment again. And that’s something that. I’ve realized that I struggle with so much. You know, I was clinically diagnosed with ptsd, posttraumatic stress disorder.

For those who don’t know. And that’s something that a lot of trauma survivors have to go through, and I feel like that’s probably the hardest part of the healing journey is not knowing when those triggers are gonna show up. But you know, Being on my healing journey and going to therapy and working with a life coach and doing the work, I now have tools that are in place when those triggers and traumas show up.

But it’s so interesting, like how your body just immediately goes back to that fight or flight.

Charly: Yeah, for real. But I love how you’re talking about all these people that have helped you. Cause I think as first gen, as kids of immigrants, we are taught that we have to do everything ourselves and hide and suppress it and keep it quiet and put on our happy face.

And it’s like, no, we can laugh and cry. Through things that we need to ask for help.

Lianne: Yes, absolutely. I feel like we now, like the millennials and the Gen Zs are the generation who’s starting to break that generational trauma that was passed down from our parents and their parents. Like, you know, me and you, we talk about it all the time.

Growing up, therapy was not talked about our feelings. No. You’re going through some shit. You go through that shit by yourself, you know what happens in this house, stays in this house. You don’t talk about your shit to nobody. And that’s something that a lot of us in the Latinx community can relate to and, you know, in any community, but especially communities of color, right?

But I feel like now the narrative is shifting, which I think it’s so beautiful that we are having these types of conversations that, you know, we’ve gone through some shit and we don’t wanna do it alone. We don’t know how to do it alone, and it’s okay to ask for help. I think that is so fucking powerful and it’s so beautiful.

I’m able to show the change from my daughter and her generations to come thereafter. You know what I mean? Cause we didn’t have that growing up. No.

Charly: Yeah. My mom never went to therapy. She was like, You, you should go to therapy. I don’t need it.

Lianne: So do you know how many times I’ve tried to get my mom to go to therapy? She’s like, No. No therapy. I don’t need that. I’m like, All right, you know what? I gotta just take you for who you are, but bitch, I’m going to therapy, right?

Charly: I’m gonna therapy for all my ancestors. OK. Ancestors and people are still alive. That refuse to go like, I’m gonna heal this day even if I’m not gonna have kids.

The lineage ends with me, but I’m still gonna fucking heal it by you, Period, by yourself. I love that, that that is so fucking powerful. Like every, everything I do for fun, I feel like I’m dedicating it to my five year old self. Like I’m playful more now cause I’m like my five year old self had a shitty childhood, but like mm-hmm.

I’m living it up now showing them that what’s possible and I just hired a writing coach and write a book. All that.

Lianne: Congratulations. That’s amazing.

Charly: Thank you. And I’m gonna dedicate that book because I’m single. I’m not gonna dedicate it to my partner. Cause I always say everybody dedicating their books to their wives or their husbands.

I’ll be like, I’m dedicating this book to five year old child.

Lianne: Yes. Snaps to that. Absolutely. Yes. We neglect our childs, right? Yeah. When we’re older, like, and it, it’s crazy. Like for me, when I think about my childhood, there’s like a. Like, I can only remember my childhood when I’m watching like home videos, but for some reason, I don’t know why, like when people say, Oh, what was your childhood like growing up?

I’m like, I don’t know. I can’t really remember. And that’s so interesting to me. Like why that time in my life I can’t remember. Some things we black out, some things we don’t. I just have a very overly vivid memory. Mm-hmm. , or I can still remember different smells bringing back to like, Oh yeah. Or I remember when the Lion King was showing a movie theater when we moved to the us so like every time I listen to like the Lion King soundtrack, I’m like, Yes.

Back to when I was like four. Yep. But yeah. Um, so going back to your podcast, you just cranked out episode after episode, so I wanna hear like, what’s been the most rewarding part of starting your podcast? Oh, honestly, I think it would be meeting so many amazing people. And that’s such a, like a cliche answer.

Like, Oh, the community. Yeah, the community is great, right. But honestly, like, I felt so alone in the very. Stages of my own healing journey and you know, going through something so traumatic, like what I went through. And it wasn’t until I started meeting people and hearing their own stories of what they’ve gone through to be like, damn, like we really all have a story to tell.

And I was saying that to my daughter the other day. We were out to dinner. And I love to people watch and I just look around and I’m like, Yo, you know, every single person in this room has a story. It’s so interesting if you really think about it, like, you know, there’s people walking around depressed, there’s people walking around happy, there’s people walking around.

All these. Different things, but they all have a story to tell, and I think that’s so fucking interesting, how different it is, whatever it is that you’ve gone through. It’s just so interesting to hear other people’s stories, what they’ve gone through and how they’re able to overcome the, the trials and the tribulations that they’ve experienced, so, mm-hmm.

I think that’s the most rewarding part. Yeah. And your podcast has been a tool, as you said, a tool for healing. Mm-hmm. . We’re healing and we’re bringing people along with this. It’s not perfect, but if we don’t talk about these things, then we’re never gonna know. Exactly. Exactly. I say, I’m trying to be the Latina doctor, Phil.

Okay. That is the goal.

Charly: I’ll be on your show for some reason I was like, I’ll be your like sexy, non-binary weather report. Yes, . I’m so here for you.

Lianne: Yes, please twerking upside down and shit. You better twerk upside down. I need that is a must.

Charly: I love it. I love it. what’s been the most challenging part of your podcast?

Lianne: I would say honestly, like social media. Showing up for social media is so fucking difficult, really. And at first, make it look so easy. I make it look so easy. I know [00:17:00] it looks easy, but honestly like there’s so many thoughts that are living inside of this Virgo brain and you understand completely what I’m talking about.

Like we are overthinkers and you know, with the algorithm and the reels and all this shit, it’s like wanting to show up perfect. And you know, that shit has been so difficult for me to like, get out of my way of trying to be perfect and trying show up as like, you know, I got my shit together. I think that’s really the hardest thing for me.

I, I have to go battle with my mind every single day of like, It’s okay. You can talk about this, you can show up, you can say this. You’re, you know, people are not gonna judge you. Like internal battle that I deal with on a daily basis. That’s the hardest thing for me, but I do it anyway. Right. I think that’s the difference.

I push through it no matter how uncomfortable it is, and I do it anyway, and I take breaks if I need to.

Charly: Yeah, and, And I try to think about the people I’m trying to help and like some people will judge you, but those aren’t all my people in the first place. Exactly, exactly. I feel like a lot of new business owners or people trying to promote themselves online are always worried about what like their cousins will think or the people that they’re not actually trying to reach and talk to. Stop trying to convince those people to like, And keep focusing on the people that are there for you and do show up for you. Yep. Fuck the hates. Yeah. Like I’ve lost friends that I thought would support me as a business owner cuz we’re doing the thing that, that they want to do, but they’re too scared to do it.

It’s just wild.

Lianne: That’s something about them that they need to work through. Yeah. With their own trauma. That’s something that I’ve realized too, like that’s their problem and it’s not my problem to fix. Yeah. Seriously.

Charly: So it’s a whole, a whole lot of stuff, but once you start. And, and get the feedback and meet all these cool people, then it gets so much easier. So I think you were collabing with like better help, or somebody too. I think that’s exciting cuz a lot of people think, Oh, start a podcast as a hobby, but you can actually make money and collab with other brands, which I think, I think should be talked about because I’m trying to monetize this podcast, not today.

I love what I do and I would do it for free, but I’m not gonna do it free forever. Yes. And one day I’d like to monetize it. Same with the blog. That’s why I took Jannese’s blog course. Cause I’m trying to get that 10k passive income that she gets yes to eventually. Absolutely. Yes. And diversify. So what’s been that process like of collaborating?

Do you reach out to people? They reach out to you? Like what is that all like?

Lianne: Yeah, honestly, I’m still in the very like, early stages of making money off of my podcast. Um, but like I said, working with my sister and seeing like the brand deals and, you know, affiliate marketing and all of those things, there’s so many ways that you can make money with a podcast.

Like right now. The only way that I’m making money is through ads with Anchor, like I pre-recorded an ad. Um, and that plays with every single episode. Um, and yeah, like you said, I do have a, uh, sponsorship with better help. So I just, I reach out to them. I sent an email, I shot my shot. And the crazy thing is I, when I first started this podcast back in January, I emailed them and I was like, Hey, I have this mental health podcast and I would love to, you know, have a brand partnership with.

Sent the email and it was fucking crickets, like nothing. And I was like, Okay. You know, the, the, the podcast just started. It’s brand new. Let me just wait a few, a few months. Yeah. And then in April I said, You know what? Fuck it. I’m gonna try again. . And lo and behold, they reached out to me. I met with, uh, someone who works there and we had a Zoom meeting like this, and I explained to her what my podcast was about.

She loved it. And yeah, now I have a sponsorship with better help. So, I think that’s the hardest thing for people is just like shooting your shot and just putting yourself out there. And like I said earlier, that’s something that I struggle with. That’s something that’s hard for me. Um, , but you gotta just do it anyway.

You know, you gotta, if you really wanna take it seriously and you really want to build a business, you have to put yourself out there no matter, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Um, but yeah.

Charly: Yeah, that’s what I learned as a money coach. It was so weird for me to go online and be like, I’m Charly, I’m a money coach.

And say that over and over. Now it’s like so natural. It’s like, duh. I’m the money coach. Yes. the money coach , I have arrived. Yes. Hello. But that part is the hardest. Just to start doing that. Yeah. And then making offers as well as a coach continually when I make posts and stuff. Yeah. Uh, my business coach is like, How many offers do you make a month?

And I was like, I don’t know, one or two. I don’t wanna be annoying. And she’s like, No, you people sign up to be bothered. They want you to help them. Yes. And so after every post or every podcast, I remind people of what I do, cuz you never know. Somebody might be a first time listener. And I introduce myself and what I offer.

And here’s my offer and I’ll also on my stories every now and then. I’ve already been on like six podcasts or something this year. Yes. Yeah. Just by saying, Hi, I’m Charly and I love being on podcast. There you go. Me to have me on your podcast. Like it’s not like these podcasts came out of the sky like I had to myself out there until people over and over and over again that I wanna be on a podcast.

I think that’s the same approach that it would take for. Partnering with another business like a partnership?

Absolutely. You, if they don’t hear back the first time, like try again. You don’t lose anything.

Lianne: And what’s the worst that gonna happen? They say no. Okay. When one, it’s cliche is fucked, but like when one door closes 10 more fucking open.

You know, but you, I would rather have that no in, you know, my, my belt instead of having like, damn, what if, what if I like, I never wanna live in a life of regret of like, Damn, I should have done that. No, I did it and it either worked or it didn’t, but at least I tried and I put myself out there.

Charly: Amen. Cuz I’m not trying to be on my deathbed being like, Oh, I should have done the thing.

Lianne: And I look back and I be like, Damn, I did all the things . Yes. Period. I did all the things and some failed and some didn’t. And that’s okay. Yeah. But at least I tried cuz then once we put ourselves out there, then other people see that in us and they’re like, Oh well if this person’s doing it, I can too.

Charly: Like that’s why I started a podcast. Cause I remember even when Jannese was starting her podcast and still hadn’t hired anybody, she had the whole. You should start a podcast with Anchor. And I kept that in my head for like years. And then when I started it, I was like, Oh yeah, this really was simple. I waiting too long.

That’s the only regret is waiting too long when I start anything. Right? Same.

Lianne: And I think that’s everyone’s biggest regret. Like once you actually do it, it’s like, damn, why? What was I waiting for so long? It’s this. It’s our fucking minds. Get out of your own way people.

Charly: Yeah, we don’t have to wait. And learning as we go is important, but it’s like with that CP ptsd, with the childhood trauma, sometimes we do wanna make the best decision and we want a lot of time to think about things.

Cause we grew up not having time to think about anything and just life kept hitting us right and left. So I understand that. But yeah, you’ll know.

Lianne: You’ll never know. And then you’re gonna be old and wrinkly and sad and depressed and Yeah. Nobody wants to live that kind of life. Yeah.

Charly: And what’s been the biggest mindset shift that you’ve made on your feeling journey?

Lianne: Oh, taking accountability , taking accountability and actually like actually realizing that, bitch, you were the problem. I think that has been the biggest thing for me because for, you know, I’m gonna be 34 this year, so like for 32 and a half years of my life, I lived in victim land. Everyone else was the problem.

You know, and I never sat in my shit and be like, Ooh, maybe it’s not everyone else. Maybe it is you who has some shit that you need to work on. And I think it’s a hard fucking pill to swallow, but it has been so transformational for me to really you know, accept my shit, accept my flaws, and like, yo, I got a lot of shit about me that I need to work on that I’m still working on.

But owning it and sitting in it and feeling it and not burying it and you know, putting a voice to it and a name to it and a face that has been super powerful for me. But it’s hard. It’s fucking hard looking in the mirror and being like, Bitch, you’re your biggest problem. You are the common denominator in the situations that happen in your life.

Not just relationships, you know, work, family, friendships, all the things. You are the common denominator. And if you wanna live a different life maybe there’s something about you that you need to fix for anyone else.

Charly: As they’re saying all this, I’m like, Yep, this is why I’ve had the romantic partners I’ve had in my life.

Lianne: Oh, I track the same.

Charly: Of people and I got frustrated and it does not end well. Yeah, and that’s something to process, to when relationships end. It’s not like game of our next one. I’m very big on. Okay, that was fucked up. It’s ended. Now we need to process everything for months therapy. So that, and listen, and this is the first time that I’ve done that.

Lianne: Like I used to be that type of person that’d be like, okay, and it next one, you know, half to the next relationship, half to the next relationship, you know, sleep with the next person. And that wasn’t serving me. That was only hurting me even more in masking my pain, you know, trying to use someone else when I needed to be like, Yo, this fucking hurt.

This was painful, this sucked. Now, what am I gonna do? You know? And this is the first time in my life that I’ve truly been like single, single, no nothing, no distractions, just me. And I feel like this is why I’ve changed so much because I haven’t used anyone else as a distraction.

Charly: And that’s what I feel like a lot of people do that like, and society doesn’t make it easier.

Like I just finished the second season of Indian matchmaking. I don’t know if you’ve watched it. What is. It’s a, it’s a show about, uh, Indian Matchmaker because marriage is a big industry in India and they have arranged marriages. Yes. And everything is very interesting because she also travels the US and matches up American, uh, Indian people with each other and stuff.

And they do long distance, but. Um, I forgot where I was going with that, but Oh yeah. There were a lot of, like, of course there’s no non-binary people that show is hetero as fuck. Yeah. Cause they be talking about, Oh, my height requirements, my height requirements. I’m like, Bitch, queer people don’t give a fuck about your height.

We wanna know it. Like, do you wanna fuck us and what’s going in your brain? Yes. I know. Taller or shorter. Yes, absolutely. Of my problem. I love it. Yeah. But I just think so many women who are like in their mid or older thirties and they had it going on, I was like, I will definitely date you. But they’re like the independent ones, they make all their money.

Mm-hmm. and have it going on. And they’re like, Well, I guess I should want a partner because all my other friends are happily married. And I guess like my life is awesome and I guess it would be nice to share it with somebody. And I could tell that that’s me sometimes, where I’m like my life is good. It’s awesome, but I guess because everybody else is doing it, or I should be married at this point, sometimes I thought like, I guess I should be married if I’m 31.

But I’m like, I don’t even have anybody close to wanting to marry.

Lianne: Yes, no . Absolutely. And you know, the older that we get, like we’re in our thirties, the more that pressure from society is put on us, right? Like, Oh, oh my God, you’re 34 and you’re still single, you’re still living at home. It. Yeah, bitch, I’m figuring life the fuck out.

Yeah. Like, let’s normalize that. Let’s normalize not having our shit together and still figuring it out and, you know, taking it day by day, like this fucking pressure that society puts on us. Like, Oh, you need to be, you know, have a five bedroom house and a husband and a white picket fence and all this shit by the time you’re like 25.

Bitch. What? No, that’s toxic as fuck. And that’s not the reality with inflation. I don’t know who the fuck can afford anything right now.

Charly: Okay you’re speaking my language.

Yes. Uh, but yeah, I just feel like I’m processing so much for my last relationship, which I talked about in your podcast. And I was like, so in love. But it was a short, it was like a three month relationship and so much went on where I was like, Oh yeah, it’s going great. And then I was like, Oh, wait, it’s not.

And then I just, I feel like I’m processing it afterward. I’m processing, processing my past relationships. And I think society throws around like, Oh, red flags, or This person’s a narcissist. But then I realize there are different types of narcissists. Cause in the first place, which I’m like, Why didn’t nobody tell me?

There’s different types of narcissists. Cause people think they’re the charismatic ones with lots of friends. But it’s also like there’s the vulnerable narcissists who have no friends and make themselves the victim. And my Virgos wants to fix them.

Lianne: Yes. That was me in my last relationship. Yes. We always wanna fix someone. Bitch, you need to fix yourself.

Charly: I know, but then I’m like what’s the point of relationship if I cant fix you?

Lianne: Oh my God, it’s so fucking exhausting being a human being . No, but it’s true. And this is why like I love having these type of conversations because when we think these thoughts, we think we’re the only one thinking it.

But clearly you can see with you and me, we are feeling the same things. We’re having the same thoughts, we’re going through the same motions, and we need to normalize feeling this way because so many of us feel the same fucking way. So, no, you’re not alone. You’re not crazy. We’re all going through some shit, but we talking about it.

Charly: Yeah. And in therapy I’ve talked about what I want from a relationship and what I don’t want, and I think that’s really clear. So what are some things that you do and don’t want in your next relationship?

Lianne: Oh, that’s a heavy question. I have this, I have this, I don’t wanna say fear, but. I kind of wanna say fear, like honestly, I’m gonna be totally like transparent.

I’m terrified to start dating again because of what I experienced. You know, going through something like that, like there’s a part of my brain that I feel like still doesn’t trust me. In potentially picking someone like I did in the past. Even, you know, with the healing that I’ve gone through and being this different person, there’s still a part of me that I still need to work through that’s like, damn, I feel like I might attract the same person again and I might go through the same situations, you know?

Right. And that’s real shit. Right. Um, But what I know that I want now is the complete opposite of what I’ve done for the first 32 something years of my life. Right. You know, I, I definitely want someone who is vocal, who knows how to express themselves. And if, you know, they’re going through some shit, they’re working through it, you know?

Maybe with therapy or a coach or something. Um, Definitely want someone loving someone who just treats me like the fucking queen that I know that I am. You know? And I don’t wanna continue to attract the type of man that needed to be fixed. Like even before the relationship that I was in, I was in an eight and a half year terrible relationship.

That’s another podcast episode you guys can listen to I talked all about that. But it was the same type of toxicity. Like I always picked these broken men who had mommy issues or daddy issues, or just a fucked up childhood, and I felt like I wanted to be Captain Save a hoe you know, and, and just fix them.

Like that’s, I don’t like, I don’t want a project. Yeah. I want someone like, you don’t have to have your shit all the way together, because I don’t think anyone does. But I’m not, I’m not here to save to you. I’m me. I am my, my biggest priority and you’re gonna add to my life. And if you’re gonna just come with drama and bullshit, like I’m not dealing with it, I’d rather be alone than be in bad company.

Charly: Yeah. Seriously. Which is what I say to like most of my exes when I’m breaking up with them, they’re like, Oh, but you’re gonna be alone. These same problems are gonna happen in your next relationships. But I’m like, I love myself and I’d rather be with myself. And being again and bad company. And I think people are not used to that way of thinking cause they

Lianne: No, that is so new for me. That is so new for me. I was the type of person, like I’ve been in a relationship since I was 14 years old. I’m gonna be 34 this year, so that’s 20 years of men in my life. And like I said before, this is the first time in my life that I’ve been single, like I’ve been single since March of 2021.

Single celibate like nothing. Yeah. And it’s so new to me, but it’s been so fucking rewarding because I’ve had no distraction. I’ve only had me. And it, it’s still something that I’m getting used to, but now I’m at such peace I don’t even think I want anyone in my life. You know what I mean? Like it’s just, yes, relationships at work, it’s a lot of fucking work.

And the relationship that I’m trying to fix is the one that I’ve had with myself, and that’s the one that I’ve had for 30 something years, and that’s the one that needs to be the biggest priority in my life. Right. And that’s what I’m focused on. Later on down the line, you know, whatever happens, happens.

But right now, I’m so focused on me, I don’t have time to be thinking about anybody else.

Charly: Like I’ve got all the time in the world. Writing a fucking book.

Lianne: Yes, absolutely. I love that for you. I fucking love that. For you.

Charly: Time is not an issue, which is I think is a whole other relationship breakthrough I’m having with time because I feel. Other people always complain about how they don’t have enough time, like there’s not enough time in the day and I’m like, Bitch, my day is overflowing.

Yes, time. Yes. Crafting at like 10:00 AM

Lianne: I’m so here for your paintings. I love them. We have to get together one day and have a paint session. 

Charly: Yes. Oh my god. That could be on the Latina doctor Phil show. Absolutely.

But part of me was like, Charly, you’re not like an actual adult because you don’t hate, uh, like you don’t, uh, complain about how little time you have. So I made it a thing where my relationship with time was unhealthy because it was like, Being in a relationship with that, which I’ve never had, but I hear is the thing that complacent, stable, supportive, humble partner that’s there and loves you unconditionally and it’s like, no, I wanna spice it up.

I need to hate you to appreciate you. How toxic is that? I think we’re all a little bit toxic. We all have some toxic tendencies, but it’s fine. Yeah. So it’s like this literally the life I’ve created for myself. My goal of financial freedom wasn’t to have time freedom, but that’s just been a byproduct. Yeah.

That has occurred from all this. Absolutely. I wanted more money so I could travel and stuff, but I really haven’t traveled this much this summer cuz all these flights are getting canceled to Europe and stuff, so I’m like, I’ll watch your dog when you’re out having your hot girl somewhere. I’m hot queer Fall, Yes.

Lianne: It’s a litte hot outside so I’ll wait for the Fall.

Oh, I love you Charly. I love you so much.

Charly: Oh, I love you too. Yeah, so relationships aren’t just romantic. You have relationships with a lot of thing, and relationships with money too, which again is another thing where people think, Oh, it’s so easy. You have it going on. But I coach myself every day on my trauma.

It’s not gone. I have to create that sense of safety for myself daily. And when I look at my stocks, go up two K in a day or five K down in a day, and I still have to be like, this has nothing to do with your value. So much of that translates to like the relationship with time that I, I’m currently, like as of three days ago when I hired my writing coach, I started feeling grateful for time in order to do this.

Cause I thought. It was something I have to do, including the painting and the writing. All these creative dreams I had, I had this idea that, Oh, I’ll wait when I’m 70 and have my shit together and have time. And it’s like, Nah, bitch. You actually have all this time now. Yes.

Lianne: So can I ask you a question, even though I know this?

Yes. You know, it’s always going here. So like what was it for you that made you wanna write a book? Like that’s, that’s so like, Ugh. I love that. What was it?

Charly: I mean, people have said this to me since I started blogging in my twenties when I just had the free travel blog. People are, You’re such a good writer.

And I’ve never had formal writing training in college. My professors were like, You need a writing tutor. But I think on the creative writing side, I love talking about my journey and I think I’ve just so transparent that people have continuously been like, You should start a podcast. I’m like, Check and you should start a book.

And then I think hearing Jannese casually drop that she. On a blogging call, Jannese was like, my writing coach says, and I was like, Oh my God, it should be normal for us to just drop that. We have a writing coach and we’re writing books like it’s a normal thing, but I’m literally like telling you this because I’m seeing somebody else who I admire do this, and I see myself in her.

And that’s what I’m like, Okay, stop wasting time. Like this is gonna be something productive for you to do with your time. Yeah. Cause you’re, you’re single and, but you’re not like actively trying to date like Yeah, I’m on the apps and stuff, but I go months or years without dating as well. I’m picky as fuck.

Lianne: Yes. Um, I, Hello Virgo .

Charly: Yeah. Like especially with the city relationship situation, I put myself in. I’m like, good thing I have been a little picky. If not, I dunno where I’d be. Yes. In a whole world of shit . Yeah. Oh, the other reason I started the writing journey was because I picked up a book that my straight friends, uh, was like, you should read this book iy has a non-binary character.

And it, and I was cat sitting for her and I was like, What? Straight People read about non-binary people too. Cause like I have to explain myself a lot to people online and in persons. I’m like, Oh cool. You know about this and you’re reading about somebody that’s not just like you?

Right. It shouldn’t be so mind blowing for me to think that, but because of my lived experience, it is like, oh, people care about us . And want to read about our experiences. Yeah. And for the first time at 31, I was reading, even though it was fiction, a book. A non-binary person as an object of romantic desire and interests and seeing their pronouns say them over the fuck over again Throughout the entire book.

I was like, Okay, I’m not asking too much. Yes, by having my pronouns, like it’s normalized and then I read another. Similar book by another white non-binary author. And I don’t know why, but both the, the theme of both books was like a cooking show. I was like, I dunno why the fuck they’re both in a cooking show?

My life is more exciting than. I write about like per style, like the graphic novel. Yeah. Style. Cause I do my art and write about my experience and documented and not being close to biological family and being in digital nomad and being Latinx like, I’m white, but I thank God every day that I have culture and I know dance and I can speak Spanish.

Lianne: Yes, that sazon.

Charly: Okay. Yes, like, I need to write about this. I cannot be the only person that feels like my culture is not still not reflected, but I saw myself enough in that identity to want to write a book and start the process.

Lianne: I’m so here for that. I cannot wait. I’m so excited to watch that journey unfold.

Shout out to you for, you know, Doing the scary shit, putting yourself out there and just saying, Fuck it, I’m gonna fucking do it. I don’t see it, so I’m gonna create it. Yeah. That’s what I’ve been doing. . Yes. That’s it. I love it. Um, so I’m so here for you.

Charly: Yeah. I don’t see it. I don’t see a space for somebody like me, so I’m gonna create it.

It’s that simple. Yeah, cuz like I would follow a lot of people. I feel like there’s a lot of like the, the people online who are like, Oh, we’re traumatized. Capitalism is racist and we’re poor. And it’s like, Right, we’re traumatized. But then what? And that’s podcast for the first time.

I was like, right, yeah, we’re traumatized, but Jannese is actually doing something about it. And I know there’s a lot of the haters out there that are like, Why are you talking about money? Stop fixating on money. It’s like, it’s because we’re like marginalized because money is a driving force for the world.

Cause we started capitalism. Not by choice.

Lianne: You ain’t got money, you gonna be struggling. That’s all I know.

Charly: That’s why financial abuse is a thing. Yes as well. That’s why women can’t leave some domestic violence situations because the men have the money.

Lianne: Absolutely. There was a statistic that I saw, you know, after being a survivor and, you know, just going down this rabbit hole of what is domestic violence, 99% of victims of dv are financially abused, like 99%.

It’s so much more common that we think, and before. Me experiencing what I went through. I didn’t even know financial abuse was a thing. Like what the fuck is that? But it’s so common, but we don’t talk about it. You know what I mean? So, Yeah. It’s fucking crazy.

Charly: Yeah. And I saw that working in finance as well, like the women would go through the divorce and they trusted the men to manage everything because the man knows everything.

And also the men did not know what the fuck was going on. They didn’t know shit. That’s why they called us more than the women to like be like, What do I do? Yeah. Yep. Exactly. Yeah. I saw so many things like men leaving their, their millions of dollars to like their mistresses instead of their wives. Like all types of shady ass shit.

I’m like, You don’t know who you married until you get divorced.

Lianne: Please say that again. Don’t get me started.

Charly: So, yeah, that’s the thing.  Like protect your finances, learn as much as you can, and don’t depend on anybody else for anything.

Lianne: Not never, never. And that’s definitely something that I experienced with my last relationship. Like I depended on him, you know, for a lot of the finances when we were living together.

And when that relationship ended, I was like, Oh fuck. What now? And I never wanna find myself in that situation ever again. And it’s something that a lot of women especially deal with. So please be independent, have your own money, and never fucking depend on somebody’s dusty ass son when it comes to finances, or daughter or not, or crusty ass daughter.

Charly: Ok. Non binary people can be crusty too.

Lianne: Yes. Yes they can. Yes, they can.

Charly: Oh my God, I can’t, This is so great. I just laugh and smile so much. And I talk to you. I can talk.

Lianne: Yeah, I adore you I can talk to you for hours. I love you so much.

Charly: Is there anything you wanna leave listeners with anything you want to promote?

Lianne: Yeah, I mean, well, you guys can follow me on Instagram at Watche Us Thrive podcast. My podcast is everywhere. Apple, Spotify, Google, Amazon, all the things iHeartRadio Watch Us Thrive Podcast. You can listen to a brand new episode every Tuesday at 5:00 AM Eastern Standard Time, and sometimes I drop a bonus episode on Fridays, but I haven’t done that recently.

Um, and yeah, just continue. Coming on this journey with me. I have such amazing guests coming up and, you know, my own journey of things that I’m gonna be going through in the future that I will talk about eventually. I’m just really excited to see where life is gonna take me. And I invite you guys to, you know, follow me on the journey to, to healing and loving yourself and talking about mental health and just normalizing these uncomfortable conversations.

So thank you for having me.

Charly: Yes, I love you. It’s a no brainer. I love you. We follow you. Everybody should be absolutely. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Thank you.